Tonight I’m feeling grateful for a wonderful day. Weather was great. Our day at market was busy and full of smiles, authenticity and good feelings.
So I am thankful. Truly.
Because not all my days are like this one.
Some things people see in this world I don’t want or need to see. Just not part of my reality. And so I understand the resistance and backlash to my own expressions of reality.
I am comfortable with and aware of my own essence, history, and heritage. And I have never, never, never, never understood or seen any humour in any statement referencing one’s colour. Never.
People say stuff, I can sense it’s coming, I try to sidestep it, but still they force it through. I ignore, I do not respond, they say “ didn’t you hear what I said? I said… “ and they laugh.
Retired teachers who I made the mistake of sharing the fact that I enjoy their company for a few moments every week now feel comfortable in expressing how ‘ it must be all the greens you eat why I can’t get as dark as you.. ‘ .. laugh, laugh.
And my bright day gets a little dimmer as unsaid words, unexpressed feelings, and unforgettable memories swirl into action trying to take shape.
But today is a good day, a busy day.. there is no time or energy for those things. Brightness is flowing..
Day is done, I am home with family, cat, then the routine of the news feed. And the swirling begins again.
The simple act of ‘connecting’ forces me into a ‘we’ mentality. And this ‘we’ mentality never resonates with me.
Never.
Though I live and walk side by side with you in this world, what ‘we’ see is not the same.
Sometimes I want to share my experiences.. my joy, my pain, my living. Separate from the ‘we’ narrative, space for expression is hard-won and struggles for air.
Do you really want to hear my life-long moanings about micro-aggressions, media assaults, spiritual exhaustion and forced-definitions?
It’s dysfunctional.. my mere presence launches you into a world of colour / culture comparisons. Your mere presence reminds me of the non-representative ‘we’.
Yet, the brightness flows.. in the context of what..?
Good weather? Food? Authenticity? .. Last night’s alcohol?..
I don’t know, and I’m not sure I really care, but the brightness flows, and I am grateful.. I am thankful.
Today was a good day, Thank you.
