Brightness is flowing..

Tonight I’m feeling grateful for a wonderful day.  Weather was great.  Our day at market was busy and full of smiles, authenticity and good feelings.

So I am thankful.  Truly.  

Because not all my days are like this one.  

Some things people see in this world I don’t want or need to see.  Just not part of my reality.  And so I understand the resistance and backlash to my own expressions of reality.

I am comfortable with and aware of my own essence, history, and heritage.  And I have never, never, never, never understood or seen any humour in any statement referencing one’s colour.  Never.

People say stuff, I can sense it’s coming, I try to sidestep it, but still they force it through.  I ignore, I do not respond, they say “ didn’t you hear what I said?  I said… “ and they laugh.  

Retired teachers who I made the mistake of sharing the fact that I enjoy their company for a few moments every week now feel comfortable in expressing how ‘ it must be all the greens you eat why I can’t get as dark as you.. ‘ .. laugh, laugh.

And my bright day gets a little dimmer as unsaid words, unexpressed feelings, and unforgettable memories swirl into action trying to take shape.

But today is a good day, a busy day.. there is no time or energy for those things.  Brightness is flowing..

Day is done, I am home with family, cat, then the routine of the news feed.  And the swirling begins again.

The simple act of ‘connecting’ forces me into a ‘we’ mentality.  And this ‘we’ mentality never resonates with me.

Never.

Though I live and walk side by side with you in this world, what ‘we’ see is not the same.

Sometimes I want to share my experiences.. my joy, my pain, my living.  Separate from the ‘we’ narrative, space for expression is hard-won and struggles for air.

Do you really want to hear my life-long moanings about micro-aggressions, media assaults, spiritual exhaustion and forced-definitions?

It’s dysfunctional.. my mere presence launches you into a world of colour / culture comparisons.  Your mere presence reminds me of the non-representative ‘we’.

Yet, the brightness flows.. in the context of what..?  

Good weather? Food?  Authenticity?  .. Last night’s alcohol?.. 

I don’t know, and I’m not sure I really care, but the brightness flows, and I am grateful.. I am thankful.

Today was a good day, Thank you.

the enablers

the enablers.. a salute to my mother and my daughter's mother.

today i harvested for tomorrow's market.

long winter, wet spring, and cold wet soil do not make for an early start to gardening / farming.

however, i harvested today.

not much, but that which i reaped was sown in previous years.. which helps illustrate a point.

the lay of my land is not suited to early spring planting.

i would need to perform major modifications in order to make this possible.

i would be asking this land to do something very much outside of its nature.

so after many years of observing and working in a decidedly unobtrusive manner ( i hope)

i've finally managed to understand how to manage this farm's resources in order to reap without going crazy trying to plant before the land is ready.

i have become an enabler... 

... as did my parents when they accepted the task / joy / responsibility of allowing my existence in this world.

so, thank you mom ( and dad) for enabling me to live my life.

and thank you kumiko for allowing me to pass the gift ..

give thanks for the enablers.

saucing up a storm

it's that time of year again when we take the fruits of our outside labours and put them in a more lasting form.  

this year's scotch bonnet harvest was particularly nice, so we have been able to make some sauces with quite a kick to them.

for us the flavour is of prime importance, so with or without the heat the careful selection of our available produce is what makes our sauces special.

we make small batches with an ever-changing list of ingredients.. it's difficult to get bored with a selection of jambican sauces.

our sauces will be available at the ottawa farmers' market christmas markets (dec 14, 15, 21, 22 @ the ernst and young centre on uplands drive near the airport).