Saturday, September 3, 2016

Brightness is flowing..

Tonight I’m feeling grateful for a wonderful day.  Weather was great.  Our day at market was busy and full of smiles, authenticity and good feelings.

So I am thankful.  Truly.  

Because not all my days are like this one.  

Some things people see in this world I don’t want or need to see.  Just not part of my reality.  And so I understand the resistance and backlash to my own expressions of reality.

I am comfortable with and aware of my own essence, history, and heritage.  And I have never, never, never, never understood or seen any humour in any statement referencing one’s colour.  Never.

People say stuff, I can sense it’s coming, I try to sidestep it, but still they force it through.  I ignore, I do not respond, they say “ didn’t you hear what I said?  I said… “ and they laugh.  

Retired teachers who I made the mistake of sharing the fact that I enjoy their company for a few moments every week now feel comfortable in expressing how ‘ it must be all the greens you eat why I can’t get as dark as you.. ‘ .. laugh, laugh.

And my bright day gets a little dimmer as unsaid words, unexpressed feelings, and unforgettable memories swirl into action trying to take shape.

But today is a good day, a busy day.. there is no time or energy for those things.  Brightness is flowing..

Day is done, I am home with family, cat, then the routine of the news feed.  And the swirling begins again.

The simple act of ‘connecting’ forces me into a ‘we’ mentality.  And this ‘we’ mentality never resonates with me.


Though I live and walk side by side with you in this world, what ‘we’ see is not the same.

Sometimes I want to share my experiences.. my joy, my pain, my living.  Separate from the ‘we’ narrative, space for expression is hard-won and struggles for air.

Do you really want to hear my life-long moanings about micro-aggressions, media assaults, spiritual exhaustion and forced-definitions?

It’s dysfunctional.. my mere presence launches you into a world of colour / culture comparisons.  Your mere presence reminds me of the non-representative ‘we’.

Yet, the brightness flows.. in the context of what..?  

Good weather? Food?  Authenticity?  .. Last night’s alcohol?.. 

I don’t know, and I’m not sure I really care, but the brightness flows, and I am grateful.. I am thankful.

Today was a good day, Thank you.